Pregnant Woman Left Alone in Marriage After Husband Claims He ‘Doesn’t Have the Capacity’ to Handle Their Burdens, She Seeks Ways to Stand Up for Herself

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Dec 22, 2024 4:00 PM EST

As lovely as it sounds to start a family with the person you love, it is also an extremely stressful stage in life, possibly the most stressful. Preparing for a baby does not happen in a day, heck, it barely even happens in nine months, and the mental and physical energy it takes from both future parents is not something one should take lightly.

It seems like the couple in this Reddit story were not fully prepared for having a child, or perhaps took too much upon themselves during the pregnancy,  which now causes them several marital problems. The main one is that none of them has the mental capacity to handle all their burdens, and that is not something one should ignore right before having your first child together. 

These issues got the pregnant wife to turn to Reddit for advice, and the people of Reddit came through. Keep scrolling to read the full story. After you are done, check out this story of a man who went to pick up his date… from her previous date's house.

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  • 01
    All that is to say that he and I are both (due to very different reasons i.e. him providing and me with pregnancy) just tired. Things have kind of reached a point where we are both just stressed and grumpy all the time. This leads to lots of unneccessary bickering and upset.
    via Azurita
  • 02
    My husband (35M) has asked me (31F) to 'carry' our marriage for now, how do I do this?
    via ThrowRaKlutzyCurrent
  • 03
    For context, we've been together for 8 years. Right now is a very stressful, but also exiting time for us, because I am pregnant with our first child. We also have had plans to build our own house for
    via ThrowRaKlutzyCurrent
  • 04
    a few years now, but since that is very expensive, it's taken a toll on us. Also with a baby on the way, there will be a lot of expenses. We both work, but my husband works WAY more (and has a
    via ThrowRaKlutzyCurrent
  • 05
    much better salary). He has his usual job, but also 2 side gigs that he can all do from home. Even so, he works a lot and is very busy trying to make sure we have what it takes to make our
    via ThrowRaKlutzyCurrent
  • 06
    dreams come true. He is not always working this much, but it has been a few months straight now. To support him, I do all the cooking and most of the cleaning, though he does some of that as well.
    via ThrowRaKlutzyCurrent
  • 07
    We have also recently moved to a different city and our lifestyle has changed a bit. This has caused additional stress and friction between us. My husband has very little free time and what little he
    via ThrowRaKlutzyCurrent
  • 08
    has, he spends with me, but also tries his best to maintain our home/things that need done. All that is to say that he and I are both (due to very different reasons i.e. him providing and me
    via ThrowRaKlutzyCurrent
  • 09
    with pregnancy) just tired. Things have kind of reached a point where we are both just stressed and grumpy all the time. This leads to lots of unneccessary bickering and upset. Today we had a silly argument that
    via ThrowRaKlutzyCurrent
  • 10
    escalated to me crying, because it feels like we are both not happy at the minute. We talked and he expressed that he needs me to 'carry the burden' of coming up with solutions to this, because he does not have the capasity right
    via ThrowRaKlutzyCurrent
  • 11
    now. He promised to talk about it more another day and to contribute as well, but that me putting my emotions and asking him for reassurances we will be ok is too much emotional burden
    via ThrowRaKlutzyCurrent
  • 12
    and he needs me to find solutions now instead of just asking him. Any advice on how I move forward with all this? Tldr: Life is stressful and I need to vent/would love suggestions
    via ThrowRaKlutzyCurrent
  • 13
    Nurse_Hatchet • 3d ago It honestly sounds like the solution is to take something off the plate to reduce the stress, ideally before the baby comes in demanding more emotional bandwidth than you currently possess.
    via Nurse_Hatchet
  • 14
    I know you said you've been planning to build a house. How locked in are these plans? Have you signed contracts? Is there a way to either push back the timeline or alter the location/size in order to reduce the financial pressure?
    via Nurse_Hatchet
  • 15
    Something has to give here, or chances are the marriage could snap when the baby arrives and the stress increases significantly.
    via Nurse_Hatchet
  • 16
    ThrowRaKlutzyC... OP • 3d ago These are good points you are making, thank you. We haven't yet made concrete plans to what my husband is going to do when baby arrives like we have for me. I think this will be a good place for me to start the conversation
    via ThrowRaKlutzyCurrent
  • 17
    and show him I am looking out for him/trying to provide solutions. We have one contract that we are committed to and will have to pay for in dec/jan, but after that the house will have to be
    via ThrowRaKlutzyCurrent
  • 18
    put on pause. Nothing has been built yet so it shouldn't be a problem. And with that I think. his side gigs too. All of those can be slowly picked back up on if he insists, but there needs to be a significant break.
    via ThrowRaKlutzyCurrent
  • 19
    Azure_phantom • 3d ago • Sounds like you chose a bad time to get pregnant, with him working excessive hours and house building projects. Not much to do on that front now though.
    via Azure_phantom
  • 20
    So what discussions are you trying to have? If his complaint is about giving you reassurances that things are ok and this is just a temporary stressful time - how often are you asking for reassurances? Are you trying to self soothe before you go to him?
    via Azure_phantom
  • 21
    You're both stressed to the max- so what is the plan to reduce stress asap? Because it's only going to get worse when the baby comes. You both need to put together a plan to address the stress now and work on
    via Azure_phantom
  • 22
    either an end date for this high stress period or a way to reduce stress asap. Because otherwise this could be a death knell for the relationship.
    via Azure_phantom
  • 23
    ThrowRaKlutzyC... OP 3d ago • Things will fortunately change before the baby comes, but I'm kind of worrying about the time in between. About the reassurances, yes I ask too often especially during a
    via ThrowRaKlutzyCurrent
  • 24
    tough time like now. It could be I rely on him too much to help me feel better when he is so overworked. I'm also wondering if it's possible for me to find solutions and come up with plans to bring. to him if he has no capacity to think about it right now
    via ThrowRaKlutzyCurrent
  • 25
    My husband is a very hard working and responsible man when it comes to providing and doing his best, so I hope with time and talking I can get him on board with this. Thank you for your comment, it gave me some clarity to what we need to do to keep us sane
    via ThrowRaKlutzyCurrent
  • 26
    tulipz10 • 3d ago • How will they manage when the baby comes? Will she work? Will she get free daycare? It seems absurd that he is working like 3. jobs right now and then they're having a baby AND building a house! How is that even possible if they're barely getting by right
    via tulipz10
  • 27
    now? They need to sit down and make a realistic budget. Then cancel the build and figure out how they can afford to live with him working reasonable hours or OP needs to accept that her marriage may not make it. Also maybe start reassuring husband sometimes, and get a better support system.
    via tulipz10
  • 28
    ThrowRaKlutzyC... OP 3d ago • To answer some of this, I will not fork for about a year. I will recieve maternity pay. Childcare is free here also. The house is not being built yet, only drawn and planned. Plus we own the property. Building a
    via ThrowRaKlutzyCurrent
  • 29
    house will have to go on pause indefinitely, but the reason for all the work is not that we can't manage with our salaries, it's that the goals we have set require so much money that we need to make a lot to achieve them. But now it doesn't seem like this is all realistic or possible the way we wanted and will have to adjust our plans
    via ThrowRaKlutzyCurrent

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relationship advice marriage baby drama wife relationship-drama reddit story relationships husband advice couples love pregnant Reddit married dating
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